i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
