my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
