Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
