When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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