We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
