Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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