I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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