Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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