Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
