She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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