I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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