Umm I'm too high to move.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
