then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
