im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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