4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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