just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
