I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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