Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
