my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
