We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
