coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
