you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
