So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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