Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
