this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize