dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
