Sponge bath it is.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
