a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
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I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
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You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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