did you get engaged???
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
