When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
