1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
