Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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