so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
