in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
