I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
ttyl tear gas
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
