everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
