her vagina looked like bernie madoff
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
