I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
