I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
People in love make me want to vomit
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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