somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
