Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
