Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
