He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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