Welp...herpes.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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