I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
