Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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