I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
