we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
