just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
