Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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