He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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