my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize