she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
