she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
