You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
someone get that fucking seahorse.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
