I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
