Who wears a wallet chain?!
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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