This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
