I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
