Don't make out with my wife yet
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
