So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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