the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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