if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize