You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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