New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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