Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
