His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
